He Told Me To Stop!
Or I Was Going To Lose Everything.
I was on the verge of losing my house, my career, even my health. I was struggling to grow my business, and slowly sinking into a quagmire of debt.
That was 8 years ago. Thankfully now I’m on the right side of success, but if I reflect back to my dark pitiful days, and analyze what was different from the first 8 years of “trying to make it”, versus when I did make it, I realized what some of the key differences were.
It wasn’t what I was lacking, or needed to start doing, but rather what I had to stop. Particularity how I thought, my mindset and my daily habits, all became radically different, like night and day.
Peter Drucker once said, “We spend a lot of time helping leaders learn what to do. We do not spend enough time teaching leaders what to stop. Half of the leaders I have met don’t need to learn what to do. They need to learn what to stop.”
When we think about how to achieve success, we often focus on the skills and habits we need to learn and add to our lives. But I learnt that sometimes the key to success actually lies in our ability to stop certain habits and behaviors, which prevent most people from achieving real success.
If you’re at all like I was, then you need to stop these 15 bad habits, that might be holding you back from achieving your full potential and future success.
So Starting Today…
1. Stop Engaging In Negative Self-Talk & Behaviors
When You Speak Of Your Poverty And Your Lack Of Education, You Are Simply Directing Your Mind Power To Attract These Undesirable Circumstances. Because It Is True That Whatever Your Mind Feeds Upon, Your Mind Attracts To You
– ANDREW CARNEGIE
Self-improvement requires a certain amount of critique.
We all have flaws. But when you focus on your flaws to the detriment of your strengths, when you dwell on your mistakes but dismiss your successes as luck, you undermine yourself in the worst way. Show yourself the same kindness and respect that you’d show your loved ones.
Self-defeating behavior is to sabotage our own success, to do things that will lead us to fail. Reasons for these self-defeating behavior’s may range from a poor self image to an inability to make strong social connections.
It affects our personal, professional and social life, and will represent an obstacle to achieving out goals and dreams, and getting the most out of life. The big problem with self-sabotage is that, because of the negative feedback loop that this behavior creates, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This means that if you believe, for example, that you are not able to earn more than a certain amount of income (because that has been your experience), then you may start acting in ways that will sabotage you earning potential, which will only serve to reinforce your belief that you’ll never become rich and successful.
The key to change this behavior can be in understanding its reasons, identifying them when they occur, and working on your self-esteem.
2. Stop Spending So Much Time With Toxic People
Keep Away From People Who Try To Belittle Your Ambitions. Small People Always Do That, But The Really Great Make You Feel That You, Too, Can Become Great.
– MARK TWAIN
It may feel awkward or intimidating to confront this person.
Be it your boss, co-worker, mother-in-law, sibling, spouse or parent. They may be ill, feeling they’ve been cheated or lacking what they need in terms of love and emotional support.
We often excuse people who are negative and toxic to us because they may be going through a difficult stage in their lives. Such people need to be listened to, supported, and cared for, although whatever the cause of their moodiness and negativity, you may still need to protect yourself from their behavior.
Start to surround yourself with people who are more confident, concerned for your well-being as well as their own, and who model positive speech that engages and uplifts others. Practice using your speech to speak kindly. When necessary, stand up for yourself firmly and yet without excessive emotion. In time, you’ll become more productive at work and satisfied with your relationships.
In the personal development world, we say that in order to achieve a goal, we need to surround ourselves with the people who possess the same qualities we are aiming for. Hanging around other people affects us in a good or bad way.
This is why we read biographies of successful people when we need inspiration. If you hang around lions, you learn their ways, and if you hang around sheep, you learn their ways.
One surefire way to meet more positive, inspiring, and motivated people is our Private Facebook Group ~ ‘Success Mentors Academy‘, where you’ll be surrounded by other like minded, success oriented people like yourself. Were we encourage all members to become mentors to each other, connecting and sharing success tips, wisdom and breakthroughs!.
3. Stop The Sugar, Alcohol & Sedentary Lifestyle
The Older You Get, The Harder It Becomes To Lose The Weight Because By Then, Your Body And Fat Have Become Very Good Friends
– LEROY FORD
Not all of us can have the rock-hard body of The Rock!
Still, exercise is an extremely important habit to develop, for both your physical and mental health.
Many successful entrepreneurs, despite lamenting how little time they have during the day, still find time to hit the gym or run a few laps around the track. Working out helps you burn off emotional energy—as well as that morning donut—and refocuses your brain.
To be successful in life, your body and mind must perform at the highest level. Your mind is constantly asking your body to do the unexpected, and you must be prepared. The best way to prepare your body is by exercising, even when it’s inconvenient.
Imagine the feeling of perspiration dripping after a great workout. It’s a good feeling, right? If this is the case, why debate with about whether you should workout or not? Why not make it a habit to work out 3-5 times a week for an hour or less a day?
Not only will you gain unprecedented endurance, but you’ll also get all your work done before the end of the day. Exercising is critical for both mental (as a stress reliever, for example) and physical well-being.
And ditch the fast food, alcohol, energy drinks and trash TV. Physical and mental well-being go hand in hand. Do not allow yourself to sleep less than you need for long periods. Do not allow yourself to regularly eat unhealthy food. Sleep is crucial to mental and physical health. Healthy food is absolutely important to prevent illnesses. Once your body is prepared for opportunities, you’ll be able to navigate through the oceans of success.
4. Stop Acting So Small
“Stop Acting So Small. You Are The Universe In Ecstatic Motion.”
Entrepreneur and Author, Jim Rohn expertly said…
“Let others lead small lives, but not you. Let others argue over small things, but not you. Let others cry over small hurts, but not you. Let others leave their future in someone else’s hands, but not you.”
As the age old saying goes, fake it till you make it, and still holds true. In a more modern sense, the phrase, “Act as if”, has a simpler message, if your looking to grow yourself. In the movie Boiler Room, (A must see for entrepreneurs, staring Ben Affleck and Vin Diesel). There’s a point in the movie when Ben Affleck delivers a memorable and more in your face phrasing of “Act as if”…
“There’s an important phrase that we use here, and think it’s time that you all learned it. Act as if. You understand what that means? Act as if you are the f****** President of this firm. Act as if you got a 9 inch c***. Okay? Act as if!”
And Jordan Belfort (The Wolf of Wall St) said it a little more eloquently…
“Act as if! Act as if you’re a wealthy man, rich already, and then you’ll surely become rich. Act as if you have unmatched confidence and then people will surely have confidence in you. Act as if you have unmatched experience and then people will follow your advice. And act as if you are already a tremendous success, and as sure as I stand here today – you will become successful.”
One of the most important concepts I had to learn, was from one of my mentors, T.Harv Eker, he said…
“Grow bigger than your problems!”
The essence would be this, when you’re letting little things get to you, such as irritating people, or dilemmas your facing, we tend to let these dilemmas plague our minds, which make us procrastinate, and in turn we make slow progress forward.
One of the secrets to wealth is to THINK BIG! The fact is that very few people “think” big and even fewer “play” big. So why don’t people want to “play big”? Usually because they believe they can’t handle “big” or don’t want to handle it. Why? Because “big” often equals big responsibilities, big hassles and big problems.
Harv said to me, “Leroy, one of the biggest differences between the rich and the poor is that highly successful people are bigger than their problems while unsuccessful people are smaller than their problems.”
Unsuccessful people are constantly trying to avoid problems. They back away from challenges. The irony is that in their quest to make sure they don’t have problems, they have the biggest problem of all, they’re broke or close to it. The secret to success is not to try and shrink your problems; it’s to grow yourself so you’re bigger than any problem. Your income can only grow to the extent that you do!
THE TAKE AWAY… The next time you have a concern or a dilemma on your mind, just stop and ask yourself, am I bigger than this problem?, or am I still playing small?
“Grow Bigger Than Your Problems!”
5. Stop Being Vague About Your Goals & Dreams
The World Has The Habit Of Making Room For The Man Whose Actions Show That He Knows Where He Is Going.
– NAPOLEON HILL
Get clear on on exactly what you want and why.
If you want a Bentley, what colour is the interior?, if you want to travel the world, which cultures would you like to visit first and why?
“He who chases two rabbits catches neither.”
It’s an old proverb, but one that rings true for me.
Focus is your ability and opportunity to step back and take stock of your life, where exactly you want it to go, and how you’re going to make it happen. To make the biggest difference, work toward something that’s deeply important to you. With a personal mission that you’re committed to, that will bring meaning into every minute of your day, while your direction and priorities keep you going when times get tough. What is your vision long-term?
To help you Focus, it’s much better to choose a few high priority goals that are motivating and in line with your Values. When you know these basic answer’s, you’ll know which rabbit you want to chase.
6. Stop Failing To Plan
Always Plan Ahead. It Wasn’t Raining When Noah Built The Ark.
– RICHARD CUSHING
You can set endless goals, but you need solid plans to achieve them.
First, you’ll need to break down those 10-year goals into years, months, weeks, and days. Once you break them down into smaller parts, you’ll have to come up with some steps to achieve those results and find a way to hold yourself accountable.
One of my clients had big goals to be a professional speaker. However, he didn’t know how to plan. I told him that he’ll have to set the stage high (no pun intended) and make plans to achieve his goals. I told him that if he gave 50 speeches in a year, he would reach his goals. This helped him break it down to monthly goals, after a bit of planning his goals felt more achievable.
7. Stop Fearing Criticism
Be Who You Are, And Say What You Feel, Because Those Who Mind Don’t Matter, And Those Who Matter Don’t Mind.
– DR. SEUSS
“A Fear of criticism robs man of his initiative”
“And destroys his power of imagination, limits his individuality, takes away his self-reliance, and does him damage in a hundred other ways.”
As Napoleon Hill stated in his book, ‘Think and Grow Rich’.
Most people spend their days worrying about what others think about them and will go to great lengths to look good or save face. The ironic part is that those same people are so consumed worrying about what you think of them, that they aren’t actually thinking about.
Working hard to make sure that no one criticizes us is just plain silly. First, it is exhausting and takes energy away from more important areas in your life. Second, generally speaking there is no “right” way, just each individual’s way. Also, people are criticizing you anyway, maybe not to your face of course but they do. They did in the past, they do now, and they will forever.
Simply try to do the work to uncover who you really are deep down inside. To listen to YOUR inner truth. When you do, you can then make a choice to be more authentic, more “yourself. Be true to yourself rather than looking externally for approval and feedback.
Pay attention to your inner dialogue – the inner critic. It is possible that you are your worst critic. Try to be more gentle with yourself.
Remind yourself that you are an adult and you make your own choices that work for you in your life. If you remember that you are making a CHOICE to be one way or another, you will be less likely to feel influenced by others.
When people who care about you are criticizing you, trust that they love you and have your best interest in mind. They probably think they are helping you. Ask clarifying questions. It is possible you are misunderstanding what they are saying. It’s also possible that they have something valuable to share and are not delivering their message well. Cut them some slack and meet them with an open-mind.
Show confidence in your actions. Having confidence in yourself and your abilities is key to achieving success. Exude confidence and a determination to pursue and accomplish your goals regardless of what people say or think. Quite often these people simply feel threatened and intimidated that you have more courage than them to stand out a little and aspire to reach your goals and improve your life. Remember, confidence breeds success, success breeds confidence!
8. Stop Having An “Oh, Poor Me” Attitude
I Never Saw A Wild Thing Sorry For Itself. A Small Bird Will Drop Frozen Dead From A Bough Without Ever Having Felt Sorry For Itself.
– D. H. LAWRENCE
Self-pity is basically one of the most destructive behaviors you can adopt in life.
It is dangerously comfortable, it can be addictive and, what is worse, it can become your default emotion when things get tough.
Unhappy people often feel that life is hard and out of their control. In other words, “Life is out to get me, and there’s nothing I can do about it.” The problem with that mind-set is that it fosters a feeling of helplessness, and people who feel helpless are less likely to take action to make things better.
While everyone is entitled to feel down every once in a while, it’s important to recognise when it’s affecting your outlook on life. You’re not the only person that bad things happen to, and you do have control over your future as long as you’re willing to take action.
Life is many times unfair, but you cannot allow yourself to dwell in the pain. When you fall into this attitude of pitying yourself, you are letting the circumstances take control of our life, when it should be exactly the opposite. You are the one in charge of your life; nobody or nothing else.
9. Stop Having A “Whats In It For Me” Mindset
Successful People Are Always Looking For Opportunities To Help Others. Unsuccessful People Are Always Asking, ‘What’s In It For Me?
– BRIAN TRACY
The number one rule to achieving success is “Create value first!”.
So instead, of focusing on you, focus on how you can help, by create value for others. What gifts or expertise can your offer first. Create the value first, then people will respond to helping you.
It’s amazing how helping someone, (No matter who or what, or how big or small), will improve your life further down the road. Helping someone is empowering. Helping someone without expecting a return is freeing. Don’t keep score. The universe works in mysterious ways, you’ll get your rewards soon enough.
10. Stop Holding Grudges
Holding Onto Anger Is Like Drinking Poison And Expecting The Other Person To Die
Holding grudges shows an unconscious unwillingness or inability to forgive.
Even if we say we want to let those feelings go, it is not uncommon that we keep going over and over again through them in our mind. “We do so because we believe the illusion that by belaboring our resentment, we will somehow achieve the justice we believe we are due” says psychotherapist, Mark Sichel.
The longer we ignore and do not solve our resentment, the stronger it gets. There is a very wise quote in Buddhism that says: “holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Clinging to your anger and resentment towards someone you once felt close to will only hinder your capacity to move on.
11. Stop Judging Others So Quickly
“When You Judge Others, You Do Not Define Them, You Define Yourself.”
– EARL NIGHTINGALE
At some point or another we will all judge someone.
Their behaviors and actions. Many times we look at someone (re)acting in a way we wouldn’t, or in a way we don’t fully understand, and we immediately draw our own conclusions.In The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz says: “We make the assumption that everyone sees life the way we do. We assume that others think the way we think, feel the way we feel, judge the way we judge, and abuse the way we abuse. This is the biggest assumption that humans make.”
Simply because we don’t know what others have been through is reason enough to be cautious before judging someone. Behind an aggressive behavior there can be insecurity. Behind a cold or distant attitude there can be fear. Remember that what you say about others says a lot about you.
12. Stop Beating Yourself Up, Forgive Yourself
Never Forget To Forgive Yourself, But Forgive Yourself If You Forget
– LEROY FORD
You screwed up a project? So what.
You got into a fight with a coworker? That happens. The only thing that’s guaranteed in the next year is that you will make plenty of mistakes. Forgive yourself, and mean it. Then, move on. If you could go back in time, would you change anything you’ve done?
We all make mistakes, and we are usually harder on ourselves than on others. Dr. Fred Luskin, director of the Stanford University Forgiveness Projects, says that we find it hard to forgive ourselves when we’ve done one of these four things:
We failed at some major life task…
We’ve hurt others by our actions.
We’ve hurt ourselves by the way we have led our life.
We’ve failed to act when we really ought to have done something, such as intervene in a family dispute or save so that our child can go to college.
Replaying what you did over and over again in your head isn’t going to help you. It just makes you feel bad. And because misery loves company, you will probably drag those around you down too.
Forgiving yourself doesn’t mean you are freeing yourself from the consequences of your actions, but it is necessary for your own mental well-being that you accept yourself and your flaws. What’s done is done. There is no way back. Learn the lesson, don’t repeat the same mistake, but turn over the page and allow yourself to move on.
13. Stop Waiting For The Future To Be Happy.
If You Are Depressed, You Are Living In The Past. If You Are Anxious, You Are Living In The Future. If You Are At Peace, You Are Living In The Present.
– LAO TZU
“I’ll be happy when …” is one of the easiest destructive habits to fall into.
How you end the statement is irrelevant (it might be a promotion, more pay, or a new relationship) because it reinforces in your mind why you can’t be happy today. It also puts too much emphasis on improved circumstances which don’t automatically lead to happiness. Don’t spend your time waiting for something to come, focus on being happy right now because there’s no guarantee of the future.
14. Stop Being A Perfectionist.
People Call Me A Perfectionist, But I’m Not. I’m A Rightist. I Do Something Until It’s Right, And Then I Move On To The Next Thing.
– JAMES CAMERON
The sooner we let go of ‘perfection’ the sooner we get results because we’ll take action! Perfectionists find it difficult to move forward because they become paralyzed by a ‘fear of failure’. Know that it’s ok to go ahead when something is not yet perfect – it’s much better to take action and fix it up as you go.
Perfectionism can lead to a host of mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and chronic unhappiness. Remember that everything can be done better by either you or someone else, but it’s OK if it’s not. Your goal shouldn’t be perfection, but rather improvement and personal growth.
15. Stop Procrastinating
Things May Come To Those Who Wait, But Only The Things Left By Those Who Hustle.
– ABRAHAM LINCOLN
Almost everyone aiming for success has struggled with this.
Life is about making choices, and taking action. Successful people have learnt this and avoid procrastination at all costs. They understand the importance of seizing the moment. They know that achieving goals depends on how fast you are able to grab opportunities.
They don’t postpone tasks that should be done immediately. If you want to be successful in life, you must do what has to be done when it has to be done even if it means creating time. So stop procrastinating on this thing you’ve been putting off and take action immediately!
L E R O Y ‘ S C H A L L E N G E
The road you’re traveling may be a challenging one, but don’t lose faith. Don’t listen to the doubters, don’t let setbacks keep you down, and most of all, don’t give up on yourself, just a few minor adjustments in your outlook and mindset may make all the difference starting today.
This is your life – grab the wheel with both hands and steer yourself in a positive new direction!.
For Things To Change, You Have To Change
– JIM ROHN
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Its Time To Rise!
7-Time Author / Speaker / Entrepreneur
Founder, Success Mentors Academy™
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